Bats and Cats….Oh My!

BEATING A BAD RAP: Bats are the only mammals that truly fly. Other mammals such as the "flying" squirrel really only glide—they do not have wings that flap. Because bats can fly, they have spread across the globe and are found in almost every habitat. With so many different habitats to adapt to, nearly 1,000 different species of bats have evolved—that’s almost ¼ of all mammals!

Bats have an amazing sound system called echolocation to help them forage and navigate at night. The bat sends out a series of high-pitched clicks that we can’t hear. The vibrations of the sound bounce off of objects and return an echo to the bat that tells the bat what the object is and its location.

THANK BATS: Bats are not blind, are not rodents, do not get caught in your hair, and rarely transmit diseases. In fact, they are very beneficial. Bats are important predators of pesky insects—the little brown bat can eat up to 600 insects in an hour! Fruit-eating bats are major pollinators and seed dispersers for many tropical plants—we wouldn’t have wild bananas and mangoes without them. And bats produce one of the best fertilizers around called guano (you know, bat droppings)!

DR. VAMPIRE: Vampire bats are notorious for their blood-feeding habits, but they don’t actually suck blood. When a vampire bat locates a host—likely a pig or a cow—it makes a tiny cut in the flesh with its razor-sharp teeth and laps up the blood. Chemicals in the bat’s saliva prevent the blood from clotting and forming a scab, so it flows freely. Scientists have found that these chemicals, called anticoagulants, are able to unclog human arteries twice as fast as modern medicines can. Vampire bats may actually help us prevent heart attacks!

BATS OF MANY SIZES: Bats range in size from the smallest mammal in the world—the bumblebee bat which weighs less than a penny—to the giant fruit bat or flying fox, which has a wingspan of up to six feet.

1. Stray cats will not be fed.
2. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food.
3. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little milk.
4. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats, and leftover fish scraps.
5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence.
6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with, or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.
7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up, and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.
8. Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any time.
9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at certain times.
10. Stay cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days ending in "y."
11. Stray cats allowed inside the house will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen their claws on the furniture.
12. Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen their claws on the really good furniture.
13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture but must sharpen their claws on new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.
14. Stray cats will sleep outside.
15. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.
16. Stray cats will sleep in the house.
17. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.
18. Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort Bed with non-allergic lambs’ wool pillow.
19. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.
20. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot.
21. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers.
22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers, except at the foot.

Who Doesn’t Want to be a Millionaire?

With all the hoopla about money, it would seem that Americans have a healthy lust for the almighty dollar. Not so says a recent survey by AARP. The survey asked 2,366 people over the age 18 about their attitudes on money. Despite what the media culture may indicate, most people will choose values over the value of the dollar. Other findings:

• One-third said they didn’t want to be wealthy.
• Four out of five said they feared a sudden windfall of money would make them greedy.
• 75 percent worried that having a lot of money would make them insensitive.
• 40 percent of women versus 27 percent of men said they wouldn’t want to become wealthy.
• More than half said a family of four only needs an income of $100,000 to qualify as wealthy (the median family income is $35,000).
• Three-quarters believe wealth is more a product of hard work than luck.
• If they suddenly got a lot of money, survey participants said they would give the money to family and friends, save or invest it, donate to charity, or pay off their debts.

10 Tips on Surviving a Horror Movie

(the sequel)

1. The first time that you are absolutely sure that the monster/killer is dead or the hell-gate is finally closed forever, you are in the most danger. Don’t relax.
2. Objects moving in mysterious fashion should be considered a very bad sign.
3. If, on a stormy night, you find a window open which you thought was previously closed, do not close it. It may be your only way out when whatever has come through it is chasing you.
4. If you come into possession of a strange old artifact and an exotic, old person warns you to do or not to do something, do not do just the opposite in order to demonstrate how silly they are.
5. Take heed of all warnings from animals and children. They usually know more than you do.
6. If one of your group is missing for awhile and, upon returning, no longer seems as frightened, assuring you that there is really nothing to be worried about, do not let them get behind you. They have joined the other team.
7. After you kill the maniac, don’t stand anywhere near the body, and don’t drop the gun, knife, or other instrument of death because (1) they are not dead; and (2) you will be needing the instrument of death again.
8. Kill the greedy person in the group. They will eventually get you killed.
9. Never be with the group who plays vicious pranks on the shy, strange, new kid. The pranksters will soon meet their doom in a horribly gory way.
10. Nothing is ever over if it is still nighttime.

Countdown of the

Top Ten Complaints of the Modern-Day Vampire

10. Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead

09.  Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs

08.  Three Words: Daylight Savings Time

07.  Thanks to all those Marilyn Manson fans, we just aren’t taken seriously anymore

06.  With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs are suddenly off-limits

05.  No warm blood for miles around DC

04.  Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards

03.  Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized "hardbodies"

02.  Baboon heart makes everything taste gamy